Search

Un poil' enceinte et des poussiereuh

Month

August 2014

Vous avez dit bonne nuit?

photo 1

Un vocable de céréales, oui. Complètes, semi-complètes voire même rien de cela (dans aucun rayon je te dis).

Question.

Les nuits de nouvelle maman, ca ressemble a quoi?

On pourrait aussi poser cela autrement, car il n’est pas de nouvelle maman sans nouveau-né. Mais, classique de nous tous, personne ne demande l’avis de bb. Et, certains se retrouveront dans cette description (ne vous cachez pas) : après plusieurs nuits sans fermer l’oeil, ils en viendront ( souvent) a croire que le bébé le fait expres (oui, oui, cette même adorable chose qu’on regarde les yeux écarquillés lorsqu’il sommeille le matin).

Mais en vrai, si on change de perspective, et qu’on se rappelle que dans l’équation des nuits sans sommeil, on est deux ( voire trois avec le papa), on comprendrait vite que le pauvre bébé, lui, n’a rien décidé.

MAIS VRAIMENT RIEN DU TOUT….

Rien ne dépend de lui…Son caca, son pipi, son proutprout … Tout se fait sans son consentement. Sommeil sur plusieurs heures d’affilée, il ne connaît pas- sommeil diurne ou nocturne, il ne distingue pas. Ce qu’il sait : exprimer ses besoins par les pleurs. Et ces derniers ne sont pas exactement comme des sonneries de portable ciblées, ils disent le plus souvent l’un des trois besoins (caca, lait, dodo) ou les trois en même temps.

Et ils le disent tout le temps.

Et parfois même, oui, parfois même, la nuit…

……

Enceinte, j’ai entendu parler de ces fameux “signes”. Je me suis dite : tout le monde parle de ces “signes”, de ces interprétations, tout le monde dit, tu apprends à connaître ton bébé, s’il fait ceci, cela veut dire cela, et s’il fait cela, cela veut dire ceci, alors j’en ai conclu : facile, moi je sais lire, et même très très bien, alors les signes, c’est dans la poche !!!

Puis, comment dire, il y a finalement ce qui s’appelle la réalité.

Un bébé ce n’est pas exactement comme un livre où on peut passer au prochain chapitre ou qu’on peut s’arrêter de lire, ou même dont on a hâte de connaître la suite. Non. Il y a des jours, je n’ai pas hâte de connaître la suite du tout ! Mais, attention, ne vous y méprenez pas, ce n’est pas si terrible que ca. Non. C’est même génial. Enfin…. Il faut le reconnaître : on apprend au fil du temps a connaître son bébé ( quoi de plus logique, je ne vois pas pourquoi sinon le temps s’écoulerait). Mais……. c’est sous estimer la variabilité de son caractère et de ses désirs et besoins, que d’analyser systématiquement chaque signe et de l’interpréter sous l’angle d’un schéma qui se serait avérer répétitif. En réalité, si les bébés nous envoient des signes, ils nous envoient tout autant le contraire. Est-ce qu’on va aussi appeler ca des signes?

Avec Tulsi, je connais des nuits superbes : elle se réveille très peu et nous dormons tres bien. Puis des nuits bien moins reposantes : elle se réveille très fréquemment, je me sens comme un chiffon en pire. Parfois ( et même souvent), je m’endors avec elle et me réveille paniquée ( avec la pensée : j’ai tué mon bebe, j’ai tué mon bebe). Et….je la retrouve pendue au sein éternel, un peu de lait sur les comissures des lèvres, innocente et si fragile dans ce tout petit corps si flexible et qui ne sait pas comment il fonctionne vraiment, parfois endormie, parfois plus tétouilleuse que jamais. Il m’arrive de me rendormir aussitot (c’est pratique l’allaitement, un vrai somnifère!).

Il arrive aussi qu’elle me réveille en plein sommeil paradoxal. Oui, j’avoue, c’est là que j’ai le plus envie de mourir. Je rêve, disons, d’une nuit de sommeil, et me voilà reveillée en plein rêve ! Avant, j’essayais de me rappeler du rêve pendant que je l’allaitais pour me rendormir et le poursuivre, mais aujourd’hui, j’ai decidé de faire avec, bah oui, un rêve a une fin, et si c’est pour mon bébé, bah soit !

Enfin, depuis quelques temps, j’ai évolué je dois l’admettre. Quand elle se réveille, et qu’elle s’agrippe au sein avec ses petites mains prêtes à le dévorer, mon coeur fond. Litteraly. Et même, les yeux cernés comme pas possible,les rêves évanouis sous ses petits gazouillements, je ne peux m’empêcher de tout simplement contempler ma petite oeuvre…Mon amour de Tulsi.

Moralité :

Le futur parent doit se mettre dans la tête qu’il n’existe pas une nuit comme une autre, mais des nuits qui se succèdent et qui ne se ressemblent pas. Et puis, même lui il ne se ressemble plus alors pourquoi chercher absolument a tout contrôler? C’est juste pas possible.

Vous êtes au bord du rouleau, et vous demandez quand même que faire? Alors voila la recette :

ACCEPTER!

Prendre ce qu’il y a à prendre : profiter des nuits ou le bébé est calme, et faire preuve de patience les nuits où l’on a pas cette chance. Facile à dire… Peut-être. Mais il vaut bien accepter ce qui est plutôt que de s’acharner contre ce qui est et vouloir coût que coût ce qui n’est pas. Il n’y a pas de mauvais parent ou de bébé difficile, il y a des énergies qui circulent, des moments et des étapes qu’il faut passer. Plus on accepte que son bébé ait les besoins et désirs qu’il a, plus il les exprime, plus on y répond et plus on est sûr, qu’un jour ou l’autre ça ira mieux.

Car il faut le temps de s’habituer les uns aux autres, il faut le temps de s’habituer à sa nouvelle vie, son nouveau couple, son nouveau corps, son nouvel emploi de temps. Et tout cela demande justement beaucoup, beaucoup de temps et de patience…

Alors sur ce, bonne nuit !

Into the wild : my breastfeeding journey

photo-29
During my whole pregnancy, there was not doubt : I would breastfeed my baby because I want the best for her and I know the best is breastfeeding. I don’t judge people who go for formulas. Each mother is free of her body and the way she wants to feed her child. Some women don’t want this experience, other can’t imagine not breastfeeding. But, in my opinion, milk didn’t come up in our boobs for nothing, it came up for a purpose : breastfeeding and this very milk is known as the best you can give to your baby as long as you can.

I had no doubt about my will, but little did I know about breastfeeding and its challenges. During my pregnancy, I read a lot about a lot of things but curiously nothing about breastfeeding. I though it would come naturally, that it was easy and that there was no reason to make a fuss about it. But we are not born mothers, we become mothers. We are not breastfeeders from the start, we become breastfeeders. In the past, women would support each others in this task. Today, some mothers need more support when they go back home with their newborn. Sometimes, tips given at hospital are just not enough. And there’s no shame in asking, there’s no shame in saying : i want to learn how to breastfeed my baby. Because, hell yeah, it takes a while to get used to it!
In Lebanon, many FB groups, well organized and very supportive are answering every mum or mum to be about breastfeeding, like :
– Breastfeeding in Lebanon
– Mama to Mama Beirut Breastfeeding support
– Lactica

Women are becoming more aware of their ability to breastfeed and aren’t ashamed to ask questions and learn how to make breastfeeding easier. Big up to this groups and to these women.
……………….

I had just given birth to my Tulsi at home. Feeling tired and still recovering from the exhausting birth, my family came to visit me, full of good intentions, baby tips & baby stuffs among which some baby bottles and formula.

Let me give you the whole picture.

So it’s about eight o’clock at night but in my perception there’s no time, there’s no urge to do anything, I’m just in a weird state, a kind of total bliss and total surrendering (of course, I’m still hurting but this is another story). I’m staring at my daughter and also looking a little inside of me to see how I feel. I’m disoriented but not in a bad way, just letting myself go with the flow. Mixed feelings are governing me as I look at this baby and realize that a few hours before she was in the womb. Everyone around me is talking. Talking about me, about her, about the clothes I refused her to wear, the bath I refused to give her, the milk, the milk that should come and be given to her….
As I’m holding my Tulsi, one of my aunt asks : did she eat? I look at my baby and feel a bit of shame. No…she hasn’t yet. But she must eat, I hear her whispering. She looks at my other aunties who all state unanimously : yes, she must eat…
Immediately after that, a formula bottle is prepared and Tulsi is given her first bottle. I don’t know why I didn’t intervene, I’m just in a state in which I can’t decide anymore what is good or bad for her. Yes, I’m doubting and I’m too tired to advocate breastfeeding. If she must take a bottle before my milk comes, then bottle she will take. Maybe this is what people usually do. My aunt declares : you know, in hospital they would give her a bottle, but since you gave birth at home, you don’t know that. Yes, Im doubting. I don’t remember yet what I should do exactly and I don’t want to starve my baby. Bottle is ready. She drinks it quickly and fiercely. Still dizzy and lost, I’m watching the scene from very far, with doubts and relief. As Tulsi finishes the bottle ( with the glouglouglou sound because the milks enters her mouth without any effort) my aunt proudly decides that it was the best to do: you see, she says, she was hungry poor baby!
But was she?
We go to bed, and all fall in a deep deep sleep. Morning comes and my husband and I are so proud of having such a calm and peaceful baby. I’m even bragging a little bit : our one must be special, she didn’t cry, not even once !
Concerning the bottle, says Nabil. We’re not doing this again. No we are not, I confirm. And so the day goes by, and I put her on my breast each time she cries. She’s sucking but nothing is coming out. I will learn the same day, as I’m surfing on the internet that mummies should wait 3 to 5 days to see their milk come out and the baby only needs colostrum the early days after birth. Baby should be put on the breast regularly in order to make the milk come and create a bonding with the newborn. It hurts really bad, contractions of the uterus are hard to handle ( each time I’m breastfeeding her, I have contraction of menstrual type) but it’s ok, I know that the first days are very challenging. We’re expecting to have a sweet and nice night like the one before. Unfortunately, it turns out that her calmness and peacefulness didn’t come from her personality but from the bottle!

Here starts a never ending night of cries. We are paying the price of the bottle we gave her…We though she slept deeply and well the first night but in fact the formula was hard to digest and allowed her to sleep this amount of hours. Nothing to do with her personality or whatsoever! So that night, Nabil and I are trying everything to calm her down : the breast, the rocking chair, some nice music I used to listen to while pregnant, sufi music, meditation, etc. But Tulsi keeps on crying. At some point, we are so tired that I’m begging him to give her the bottle but fortunately he resists the temptation (I’ll never thank him enough for that). Both of us are exhausted, so much that at some point we start making nasty jokes about the baby which release the tensions and relieve us. Why are we taking all this story of cries so personally? Maybe this is just what we have to go through…Isn’t this baby adapting to a new environment she knew nothing about? Isn’t she teaching us how to become good parents? Are good parents supposed to do everything perfectly from the start? And isn’t this better than perfection, to learn from this little human being a bit of humility and listen to the signs? We realize that there’s no such thing as a magical formula to calm down a baby. All we can do is be patient, give her everything and adapt to her since she just came into this world and everything is new to her : breathing, eating, sleeping out of the womb. It’s a journey that we know nothing about…. After hours of cries, we all end up sleeping and the next morning, we call Yoga Duna, a yoga and hypnobirthing teacher. She comes to my place and gives me a great breastfeeding support. Starting from this point, things go back to “normal”.

photo-30

What I have learned from my three first breastfeeding days :

– About the milk coming : don’t stress out if the milk is not there three days after giving birth. It usually takes 3 to 5 days for the milk to come. Furthermore, stress won’t help your milk coming : relax, rest and keep on breastfeeding. The more you do, the more milk will come.
– About the colostrum : As Yoga Duna explained to me, colostrum is enough for the three first days of the newborn. He doesn’t need anything else: formula or water. Colostrum was made for his early days on earth, so again : relax, rest and breastfeed.
– About nipples hurting : No experience ressemble another. As for me, my nipples were hurting but it was bearable. I would keep telling myself that it’s the beginning and that once the milk will be out, things will get better. Now, sometimes I hurt a little bit in the beginning but it’s very bearable and totally worth it. I’m bonding with my baby, learning from her and looking at her enjoying the milk from my breast is just beautiful.
– About uterus contractions : when you breastfeed, you may have uterus contractions. Some of them really hurt. Tell yourself that your uterus is retracting which means getting back to its initial form. Nothing to worry about, and if it hurts too much, paracetamol is allowed.
– About occytocine : when you breastfeed, you may feel a rush of occytocine : it makes you feel sleepy or in some cases ( mine for the first week!) very very high ! it really helps handle the uterus contractions and when you finish breastfeeding you can sleep and rest with your baby.
– About the baby waking up at night : Nothing more normal for you to wake up every 2-3 or 4 hours at night. Nothing to worry about. The baby’s brain needs it to develop. Each time you breastfeed, tell yourself that once the baby is asleep you must sleep too, so you can stay in shape. It really worked for me and eventhough the nights can seem difficult at the beginning, it really is manageable if you allow yourself a lot of ret during the day.
– About how to breastfeed : there are many postures you can use to breastfeed. Keep in mind that you must be very confortable. Use cushions to support your back and your elbow.
Unknown

I’ve been breastfeeding Tulsi for 15 days now and I’m happy I’ve been supported enough the early days after delivery because they are very important. Prepare yourself, be patient and things will be just fine.

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑