Why Motherhood became so challenging in Lebanon

 examiner.com

We live in a culture of fear, in a society where you can’t think by yourself anymore. Some mums don’t want to be mums but they are pushed to. Some mums want to be mums but they are prevented from living the experience. Some mums wish they could at least offer their kids a walk in a park but are forbidden the right of some green. Many mums are being pointed at because they made the choice to stop working for their babies. And we’re not talking here about school yet and all the difficulties that every parent in lebanon has to face to afford their kids an education.

Lebanon, a baby friendly country?

No.

Au contraire.

And that is how :

1- Motherhood is not recognized as a full time job and remunerated in consequence

Lately I bumped into a mum who told me that she was a working mum and therefore her job as a mum was harder. I looked at her with surprise and though : well, go back to your house and just take care of the baby and then we will talk!

NO. NEIN. NA. Working mums and staying at home mums are NOT different from the point of view of WORK. The fact is they both work but no law has established that and people keep having their prejuges of what is work and what is not. But we all know how much WORK a baby is, don’t we ? 😉

2- Working mums are hurried to go back to work and only have 70 days leave

70 days leave. Better say nothing much. How do we recover from such a powerful experience in only 3 months? Mums need at least one year to recover from pregnancy, delivery and the baby’s first months ( if not more). Unfortunately, the fact that they cannot be remunerated for taking care of their babies push most of them to hurry back to work in no time.

May I ask why is the society not concerned with the well-being of our babies and our mums and about the importance of the bond they need to have? Wouldnt we have more happy and healthy kids ?

How can a mother live the experience fully when she is not allowed the rest she needs?

How can a mother be more effective at work when she has not rested and when her mind is elsewhere?

Consequences :

* Some mums go back to work quickly because they are not supported at home and fear becoming depressed ( and they have a point).

* Some mums feel guilty when they go back to work and crave the whole day to hold their babies in their arms, other staying at home mums are frustrated because if indeed they are staying at home with their babies, they are not getting paid for it and  don’t have the help they need. They work the whole day : cook, clean, take care of the baby.

3- Mothers are not well supported by families and communities anymore

The general trend is that more and more mums in Lebanon are left alone after giving birth. I remember not a long time ago, a man from Mina was telling me about his wife not being able to cope with the baby. I asked him a few questions about her and it turned out that she was going through depression. Still, he had no idea what was going on with her.

On another hand, some mothers can afford to bring a helper but even then, they feel alone because if helpers can do the cleaning and cook food, they are not always able to give the moral support that mothers need.

In what would consist the moral support?

It’s about someone telling you you’re doing the right thing, it’s about someone taking care of the baby during the night so you can manage some sleep, it’s about someone conforting you in your choices of breastfeeding. It could either be a family member, or a woman who has been through the same experience or a professional. When helpers do all they can, they are not always mothers or professionnal and therefore, even this help is not enough. Before, communities and enlarged families made the task way easier. Mums would give each other tips and confort. Many people were taking care of the baby and the mum would rest and be able to give more.

4- Mums live in smaller apartments and are excluded from society

First we live in smaller apartments, with no gardens. In lebanon this summer we were even tempted to keep the windows closed because of the garbage and pollution. Not to mention the heat.

Imagine yourself with your baby in these conditions. No space for playing, no fresh air, no possibility to connect to any nature of any kind.

You’re just stuck between 4 walls.

Before families were together, they would share the same house, give support to each other. The baby would play around and many people would watch on him.

Today, most mums are ALONE. If a mum was surrounded by people that she could rely a little bit on or that she could talk to she would be allowed to express herself more (even if it’s for small things) and be more relaxed about the baby. In that sense, a working mum can feel more liberated because she’s surrounded with adults with who she can communicate.

5- Lebanon cities (specially Beirut) are not baby friendly

No parks in the city, no sidewalks, high level of pollution.

Of course some people have countryside house but how many Lebanese have this privilege?

No green, no possibility of running after your kid, no opportunity to make the baby sleep in his stroller.

6- Woman are being told that if they live fully their motherhood, their carreer will be threathened

What? You are still breastfeeding?

What? He’s still sleeping beside you?

What? You didnt put your daughter in the nursery yet?

What? What? What?

When a mum in Lebanon lives her motherhood fully, people become judgemental and full of fears. Which brings up other questions :

Aren’t you afraid to spoil him-her?

Don’t you think you should preserve your couple and keep your baby away from your room?

You didn’t go back to work yet ?

People don’t realise that life changes and we should accept the changes instead of fighting against them all the time.

They don’t realise that if yes motherhood can be challenging on the couple, on the work on many things, it’s like everything really in life.

Didn’t we make sacrifices when we were studying hard to have our diplomas?

Won’t we have one day to deal with our parents or our partner or our kids sickness and even sometimes death?

Don’t we need to mature and understand that also life is a process that we need to go through and sometimes there is what we call sacrifice?

Sacrifice yes, but that doesnt mean we shouldnt be supported. That only means that we go through phases (and motherhood in the early years of the child is a hard one) and that we should ackowledge the experience and make the best out of it.

7- Motherhood in a very individualistic oriented society is more challenging

A lot of Lebanese women dont realise that motherhood is going to be made of sacrifices and prefer to give up right from the beginning. They refuse to breastfeed, to wake up at night and prefer to hire helpers who will do all the hard work.

They are not even interested in their pregnancies and only rely on the doctor opinion. It seems like having a kid is a burden and cannot be a source of pleasure. They are afraid of getting fat, tired, of losing their job. For all these reasons, they don’t live their motherhood fully. Kids of course suffer from this behaviour and develop emotional issues or they develop a privileged relationship with the helper that will “save” them emotionnally.

8 -Women become pregnant under the pressure of society

In Lebanon, families put a lot of pressure on women so they get pregnant and before they are even ready.

Yet we are never really ready to become mothers, we should at least decide it and have the right to say without being judged : I don’t want kids.

Today, many mums get pregnant and realise after giving birth that they were not ready. That they would have wished to know how much hard work it is.

9 – Moms intuition is not respected &; there is too much information

As my friend Emilie Thomas puts it beautifully :” We need a more organic and intuitive world… a world where we trust and follow moms’ intuition and babies’ lead… There’s too much information, we are more virtual than ever… We need more flesh and blood and bones, and we need to believe that our mind, brain, spirit, whatever you call it, can be connected to the body and listen to it”.

10- Motherhood became a business

Because we have no parks, the only way sometimes is to take our kids to malls.

Malls….As if motherhood was not already a whole business.

When did we forget to live simply?

How did generations of people live without all these waste of plastic that only make our garbage bigger?

Yesterday I was in a shop for mums and babies and was wondering what I would buy. Nothing popped in my mind.

I needed NOTHING.

Unfortunately, we are many to think that we have to ruin ourselves in order to be good mums. We spend tons of money on details and things they will never use. We have stopped to live simply. We need that special bag, and that special bottle, and that special spoon and that special blanket. We don’t realise we are spending our money uselessly and spoiling our environment for meaningless things. So many toys are bought for kids before they even explore their surrounding ! Why? Isn’t the world already amazing and big to explore? Why do we need to keep buying and buying things ? To achieve what? A glimpse of happiness and meaning?

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What every woman should know before getting pregnant

9 Months Belly at Beit el Nessim

You’ve been wanting this child forever. Getting pregnant for you is synonymous of beauty, woman in her glory, happiness. You have witnessed all these proud bellies with envy, and you can’t wait for your turn to shine because it’s a well known fact that when you are pregnant, you glow.

Also, you have been told that your life will change forever, that nothing compares with motherhood, nothing at all. This baby of yours, the power of life and love….There’s no doubt : motherhood is awesomess.

Now, you can’t wait to be pregnant and discover this one of a kind happiness.

Yes…but.

There are a few things that you must know before you embark in this amazing adventure.

1- Once you become a mum, you become a mum forever.

Yes, we tend to forget about it, but once you become a mother, it is FOREVER. Which means, that what used to be taking care of yourself only is over. Finish. Gone. Now you have to take care of yourself and somebody’s else life. And it’s a life time commitment, You can divorce your husband but you cannot divorce your kids.

note : We generally underestimate the pressure of society that focuses more on individuality. Yet becoming a mum is about putting aside for a “little” while what used to be “your” “life”.Once you become a mum, you have to do some sacrifice. If you don’t, someone else will do them for you. That’s just the way it is.

2- You will have two years of hell. Yes. Pure hell.

No need to elaborate this point when we can just mention the fact that you will endure two years of sleepless nights ( note : one of the techniques of torturing detainees is to deprive them of sleep…) Imagine not having a single night of deep sleep for two years. TWO YEARS. We’re not talking about two nights. You get the picture? So if you are willing to get pregnant, never forget that. Never, ever, otherwise you will be very disappointed and frustrated.

3- Motherhood is work. Lot of WORK.

Yes there are many moments of joy and indescriptible happiness ( I will never deny that ) BUT  first and foremost, motherhood is WORK. You are basically the slave of your child : changing diapers, breastfeeding, running after the baby once he crawls or even worse, walks….

And plus, it’s a full time job. You never get to rest or take a “break”. You need to be available night and day, when it rains and when it doesnt.When you are in a good mood and when you are in a bad mood, when you are sick and you are healthy. The list is long…

And you are not paid for the job.

4- Motherhood is a big challenge for your couple

Nobody talks about it but many couples don’t survive the birth of their first child. There are many reasons for this and you can make your own researches. Just keep in mind that your couple will change. For the best or …for the worse.

5- Motherhood makes you vulnerable

Once you become a mother, you cannot take off your mind that something bad could happen to your child. He becomes an immense responsability not only because you have to take care of every aspect of his life but also because his life could be threathen and that’s the biggest challenge any parent can face. Once you have a child, you are opening your heart completely which means you become vulnerable, more aware of your own mortality and more enclined to suffer.

6- You will face criticisms

Becoming a mother is also about choices. Choices that you make for your child and for yourself. His education, his food, his clothes, everything you do will be subject to criticisms. Don’t be surprised by judgemental attitude towards your choices. People are always criticizing. You can listen to them and feel bad for yourself, or stay proud and keep walking.

7-Some friends will disapear

The same that told you they will never give you up will be vanished before you realize it. Motherhood will show you who really cares for you and who don’t.

8- And some new friends will show up….

Motherhood is also the occasion for you to build new friendships. With MUMS.You will realize that you can get along more with people going through the same problems, having to face the same routine and you will share with them your joy and your pain.

Nobody understands a mother better than a mother.

Nobody.

9-You will have to consider your finances more seriously

Everything that you used to do for two is now for three. And a kid costs money. In Lebanon, a lot of money. My tips : for yourself and the environnement, you can buy used clothes, car seat & stroller.  Many mums sell their stuff and give them away. Only because they are not new doesnt mean they are not worth being used again. Babies grow up fast. You don’t want to loose money on silly things. Save the money to travel or to go on weekends. It’s a better investement and a win-win for everyone. Also, you can also breastfeed instead of paying huge amount of money for formulas.

10- You will face your own mortality

When you have a kid, you realize that times passes by quickly and you will go through major existential crisis. Yes, Kids make you realise that you are growing old. You çan perceive this negatively or you can use this to improve your daily life and live the life that you wish for yourself.

On devrait dire à nos enfants

Photo de Classe de Nabil

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On devrait dire à nos enfants- pour ne pas mentir, car mentir, ils le savent, ce n’est pas bien- que la vie intérieure existe, et que tous les jours, il faut l’arroser comme on arrose une plante.

On devrait dire à nos enfants, que de savoir les noms des plantes, c’est bien, mais d’en goûter la fraiche verdure, c’est mieux. On peut dire alors c’est quoi son goût réel.
On devrait dire à nos enfants, que le lion dans le zoo qui vient d’Afrique de l’Ouest, et le koala Australien, c’est entre des cages qu’on les voit. Et une cage, ce n’est pas joli et ça vient ni d’Afrique, ni d’Australie.
On devrait dire à nos enfants, que s’ils sont fatigués de rentrer à l’école pour faire leurs devoirs, ils ont raison. Et on devrait leur expliquer pourquoi ils doivent les faire et non pourquoi on veut qu’ils les fassent. Et s’il faut dire aux enfants ; c’est ainsi car l’école est injuste et ne tient pas compte des droits de l’enfant, il faut le leur dire. Il ne faut pas avoir peur de faire de la philosophie avec les enfants.
On devrait dire à nos enfants lorsqu’ils posent une question difficile, qu’on ne connaît pas la réponse, mais que peut-être ensemble on peut trouver. Et peut-être pas. Que ce n’est pas important de trouver quand on cherche.
On devrait dire à nos enfants qu’on ne sait pas tout, même mieux, qu’on sait peu. C’est important qu’ils sachent qu’on sait peu. Qu’on est comme eux et que la vérité ne vient ni de nous, ni du futur qui les attend.
On devrait dire à nos enfants que le pays va mal quand il va mal, et que le pays va bien quand il va bien. On devrait dire à nos enfants ce qui se passe pour qu’ils comprennent qu’il y a des jours avec des hauts et des jours avec des bas.
On devrait dire à nos enfants que la mort existe, et qu’elle nous surprendra tous. Que la vie est précieuse mais qu’il vaut mieux ne pas attendre la mort pour le réaliser.
On devrait dire à nos enfants que le futur n’existe pas car le futur n’existe pas.

On devrait leur dire à nos enfants qu’on les aime sans condition. Sans condition. Aucune.

On devrait aussi dire à nos enfants que la vie est une question de perception. Qu’on en a pas tous la même. Que la vérité qui nous est enseignée à l’école est la vérité à l’école. Comme la vérité du chauffeur du taxi est la vérité du chauffeur de taxi.

The Dark Side of Motherhood & Other tabous nobody wants to talk about.

http://www.healthtap.com

Motherhood. Sacred, sacralized, venered word. When you utter it and before you develop your subject, be careful that no one jumps at you. You need to talk very carefully, very politely and if you can poetically. We’re not talking about socks are we ? In fact, we are, but some people don’t want to hear it.

I get extremely angry when I read posts, articles or comments of mums being so aboslute about what is being a mother, about what a mother should feel, what a mother should go through to be a “real” and good one.

What is mothering, we all have an idea, we all know what it is, and we all ignore it because it’s a long process full of doubts, feelings, contradictions. And we don’t stop being mother until we die, which means that it’s theorically impossible to put an eternal word on this state. And summing the experience by saying : it’s the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me, without mentionning any negative thing about it seems to me like a lie.

A beautiful lie.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I would never say that motherhood is not an amazing thing. Never. I believe it myself that it is a beautiful thing. But, when a mum is pregnant or intending to become pregnant, I try not to hide the difficult aspects of what is also motherhood, among which : the sleepless nights, the physical and psychological pain, the everyday doubts, the burnout, the dépression, the fatigue, etc etc.

The list is long.

I’ve just been through an article questionning whether breastfeeding in the beginning hurts or not, and the mums commenting on the article are being so categoric that I really feel one should clarify things once for all.

First and foremost, not everyone experience the pain the same way. And thanks god. We are different. What could feel for a mum like a very painful experience can feel for another really bearable even if they are having physically the same pain. Second, the pain is not a “bad” thing, it’s not something that we must avoid (we could but we don’t have to), the pain is just the pain, no need to romantazise about it and say “when you are a mother, you can bear anything…” It’s not true. Some mums have depression and die. Some mums give birth and die. Some mums can’t make it, can’t deal with being mums. Don’t you underestimate their pain and frustrations by saying that motherhood is paradise on earth and those who don’t get it are freak or stupid or whatever you think they are.

They are moms.

I’m really concerned with this issue, because it’s important that we mothers aknowledge our true feelings, that we get the right to express ourselves with no tabous, with no etiquette, and instead of being competitive, create teams of mums or women to empower each other.

It’s important that you say : god damn it, I dont feel like taking care of my child right now, I don’t feel like breastfeeding, I don’t feel like giving the bath, cleaning the house, pumping the milk, changing the diapers, make them study, make them play etc etc

I don’t feel like being a mum. Or..is it? Isn’t being a mum also about not being a mum, being neither dark nor white but oneself? What is a mum really, isn’t she also a complex humanbeing who sometimes can’t do it all?

It’s of utter importance to be able to doubt, to even doubt about why we did have the kids, it shouldnt be banned from the vocabulary, no words should be banned from the vocabulary of a desperate heart.

I did doubt myself about the importance of being a mother and I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve once told someone close to me that sometimes I wonder why I brought a child to the world.

No I’m not ashamed. I will never be ashamed of myself questionning myself. As long as I’m not hurting anyone, as long as this sincérité enables me to follow a peaceful path, I will always open my mouth and stay true to myself and to other people around me.

I will always be true to my daughter when she will maybe décide to be a mum and ask me :

Mum, what is it to be a mum?

And I will not say to the mum begging for help but not being able to put words on it that she should feel lucky to have a beautiful kid. Instead, I hope I will listen to her and listen to what needs to come out, and if possible, take her hand and maybe without words, feel the importance of talking about the obscure side of our humanity.

Today a mum apologized for her daughter behavior. The kid, only two was hitting my daughter. As much as I felt concerned for my daughter, I felt as much concerned with these words she said ,because how could she apologized for a behavior that is not her fault?And I told her. Please don’t apologize because it doesnt make sense. Your daughter is having this phase and that’s just it. She looked immensely relieved.

We’ve shared some of our doubts and concerns about the future with no “miracle recipe” or “best method in town”. We just shared the eternal doubt of the humanity with no pretention of solving it but with at least, the ability to say : I do not know the whole truth, but I wish to love as much as it is possible for me.

Unconditionally ? Name it what you want.

Love shouldnt need adjective.

Bye Bye Baby Einstein. Welcome love.

http://study.com/cimages/multimages/16/babyeinstein.jpg

So here I am. Lying on the bed. My phone on one hand, my daughter next to me. She is focusing on something. It might be the bird out of the window or the lights coming down towards us. It could be also her listening to the sudden sound of an alarm or to the noise my belly just made. Putting my phone down, I stare at her with envy and a bit of shame. I observe from this place called now how she is so present and while I’m looking at her, I wonder why I’m always scrolling on my phone. What is it that I’m looking for really, which informations, which happiness or whatsoever that doesnt exist here & now. What am I looking for, and where am I?

I’ve been practicing to put my phone down more and more in order to be with her more and more. But being « with » is not so easy. Especially when it’s about being with oneself. Left without the illusions of what would be if….

But times passes by and scrolling doesnt change much things. On the opposite, it seems that the more informations I get, the more confuse I become. What concerns me the most however is this illusion that something might happen while I scrowl.

What is it ? The future ?

I’ve been through an amazing article http://mobile.nytimes.com/2011/10/16/opinion/sunday/notes-from-a-dragon-mom.html?referrer&_r=1 today about a mum who lost her child and realized that knowing he would have no future, had to live the present fully and act with no expectations for him. I connected completely with the content of the article and been meditating on this a long time.

Not that I think about what would happen if something threathened my daughter’s life but i’ve been wondering a lot about all this pressure that we have about how to be the best parent ever and how to make our children healthy, happy, talented, nice, polite but also smart. I’ve realized that progressively I ceased clinging to this idea of it being important. For some reasons, I abandonned the idea of the “perfect mum” “perfect child”.

Of course, when everyone told me that Tulsi showed signs of intelligence (which is a subjective concept but let’s call it that way), I was attracted by this idea that I had given birth to someone special. Call it ego or pride. It made me happy in a way. But, as soon as I realized that this human being was not me at all, that she had a character of her own, that she didnt exist to perpetuate an ideal I’d project on her or realize the dreams I didnt realize for myself, I felt an immense relief. The relief of being myself with all my drawbacks and the relief of letting her be herself : a baby.

The more the time passes by, the less I care about whether Tulsi will be talented or not, whether she will speak soon or not, whether she will speak many langages or not, whether she will be into yoga or not, she will have a musical ear or not. All these questions that I feel no longuer matter because what i’m realy interested in is to understand what is love.

And I’m ready for the first time to learn. To listen. To feel. To observe.

From her comes this wisdom that grows inside and makes you a mum, makes you a mortal, makes you a child.

I’ve been figurating out that when I make her listen to music and she starts to dance, well I’m happy for the sake of it only. It doesnt matter to me whether it’s classical music or jazz or whatever music will make her brilliant. What matters to me is that she is dancing. She is dancing right here, right now, in front of me. She’s not thinking about whether or not she is dancing properly. She is dancing. That’s it.

And it’s a wonderful picture. Cute, self confident, not concerned with expectations, she is just dancing.

Same with  books. I’ve really wanted her to be interested in them at some point. But till now, she is not. She graps a book and throw it away after a few seconds. I was tempted to initiate her in different ways. Choosing different books, different subjects, different langages. But it didnt work. So at some point, I just let her do her things, like scratching the wall or painting the floor with banana. I’d let her see what is under the sofa or in my purse. And during that time, I was reading my books.

And that was just fine.

I dont care whether she will love reading or not because I know, I know that what matters the most is that she loves. And deep inside, I know that if she has the freedom to be where she has to be, by which I mean, a baby of 14 months, then the next steps that she will take will be confident and hopeful steps because she lived her age. And that’s how it should be. We should live ou age regardless of what « society » wants for us.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about how to talk to her ( https://unpoilenceinteetdespoussiereuhdotcom2.wordpress.com/2015/09/17/parler-a-un-bebe-cest-quoi/ how to make her talk maybe, how to be a proper mother. But time passing by I realized I dont need to talk too much to her, what I’m concerned with is cuddling, kissing & having fun. Make ugly faces.

That’s also where I am.

And I’m not looking for an Einstein Baby.

I’m looking for love.

Parler à un bébé, c’est quoi ?

Dessin du fils de mon ami Ahed

Je lis encore aujourd’hui, ici et là, l’importance de parler à bébé. Parler pour qu’il développe les « skills », les qualités d’expression orale, l’intelligence, tout ce qui fait qu’un jour il saura parler « bien » et même en avance.

Pendant ma grossesse, on m’a dit : parle au bébé. Le bébé entend tout. Mais l’envie ne me prenant pas, je me contentais de chanter un peu de temps en temps. Parler, non, je ne parlais pas. Parler pour dire quoi? Je n’avais rien à lui dire au bébé. Il m’arrivait de penser à elle dans ma tête évidemment ( et par elle j’entends l’idée (ou le concept) très imprécise de ce qu’elle était) et de lui dire quelque chose mais rarement cela avait besoin de sortir de la bouche. Des pensées me venaient, de l’amour ou ce qu’on appelle ainsi, moi je dirais plutôt que c’était confus dans mon coeur. Mais l’amour est confus. Ce n’est pas faute de coeur.

Enfin, à l’approche de l’accouchement, je pensais qu’enfin, quand son visage serait devant le mien pour de vrai, alors je lui parlerais. Ce serait naturel. Quand un visage est devant nous, c’est plus clair. Je me suis imaginée que j’allais m’amuser à parler, lui parler, lui raconter pleins d’histoires, dire les choses, les nommer…..

Je m’étais jurée alors qu’en des mots, je parlerais à Tulsi. Je me ” reprendrais”.

Puis, elle est née et avec elle deux obsessions : mes seins. Ses yeux me voyant à peine, je ne pourrais pas dire qu’elle me parlait avec eux. Il y avait juste ses mains qui parfois me touchaient comme pour palper le territoire connu du ventre, la certitude de la mère. La seule. De cette façon et seulement, on a eu ce qu’on appelle le premier « contact », la première « communication » ou “conversation”. Et bien-sur, il y avait les pleurs qui dans un sens me guidaient un peu. C’est donc l’odorat et le toucher qui nous ont rapprochées. Et non. Le désir de parler avec des mots n’est pas venu. J’ai attendu pourtant patiemment qu’il germe en moi,  communiquer mon amour de la langue me semblait si évident, si intrinsèque à ma structure personnelle…. Mais rien de bien prosaïque n’est sorti.

Aujourd’hui, c’est encore avec difficulté que je choisis de parler avec des mots ou même avec des phrases. Je suis passée par une phase ou je me sentais très coupable d’être incapable de parler à ma fille, de bavarder, de déblatérer. Petit à petit, je me suis posée plus sérieusement la question pour réaliser que c’était ce qui m’arrivait instinctivement, sans que je n’ai à y penser trop, et que pour cela, il y avait forcement une raison, même si je ne la connaissais pas.

Parler à quelqu’un qui ne parle pas…. Je ne sais pas faire. Quand je dis parler, j’évoque la langue connue, le français.

Les spécialistes pour designer le langage de bebe parlent de « babillage ». Je ne parle pas avec Tulsi, mais je fais ça. Je babille comme elle. Si Tulsi  fait gaga ou marmonne d’autres choses (peut-on dire mot?) incompréhensibles, instinctivement, je suis tentée de babiller comme elle.  Dire gaga.

Quand je parle autrement que par des mots, quand je babille, ce qui sort ce sont des mots qui ont une existence propre qui émane du cœur ou des émotions. Par exemple si je lui dis au milieu de nulle part : mon chaaaapouuutttouuu, ca veut dire : je t’adore, je t’aime, j’ai envie de te croquer les fesses. Peut-être aussi un sentiment qui ne peut être exprimé par un mot mais qui est exprimé par l’intonation, par la prolonguation des voyelles, par la répétition. Je ne dis pas toute la phrase. Je dis Chappouuutouuu, je trouve que ca dit mieux que les « mots «  ce que j’ai envie de dire, ca traduit exactement mon état émotionnel. Et c’est quoi dire? N’est-ce pas avoir le besoin d’exprimer oralement quelque chose?

Parler à son bébé, qu’est-ce que c’est ? C’est cela ma question. Est-ce que parler, c’est seulement pour que le bébé apprenne a parler, ou est-ce que parler c’est communiquer avec son bébé, c’est vraiment entrer en contact avec son être et le sien ?

Je comprends que pour certaines, la seule façon ce soit la “langue connue” et cet article ne dément pas les bienfaits de parler avec des phrases bien structurées. Cependant, il faut savoir que ce n’est pas une vérité absolue et que si une mère ressent comme moi un besoin limitée de faire beaucoup de phrases, et bien, cela n’est pas forcement grave. C’est peut-être une étape essentielle dans la relation de la mère à l’enfant car quelque part, il faut être soi.

Une des autres façons pour moi de communiquer avec Tulsi d’une façon intense et que je ressens comme vraie, c’est de lui faire des calins, des bisous ou même de faire des grimaces avec le visage.

Elle rit, je ris, on s’amuse beaucoup, et j’ai bien l’impression que quelque part, on s’est dit quelque chose.

Cela me vient beaucoup plus instinctivement, comme depuis le fond du coeur.