For days your phone and Facebook and all your social accounts have been bombarded with mother day’s gifts, quotes & articles. You’ve eaten a lot of it the past few days and you’re looking for a way to digest it all. So here the recipe. And I won’t be redondant and say that mother’s day is a daily celebration because to be honnest I don’t believe it can always be. I think sometimes it’s even pretty shitty.
But, then, the mother day can be the opportunity to talk about what the mothers WANT.
In a straight forward form.
So, Believe it or not, every mother, especially mothers of kids under the age of 3 are very very very TIRED. I wish there was another version of the word “very” in the dictionnary but you see my point. They are just VERY.
Forget about some judgemental people who say that nowadays mothers complain too much about their tiredness. They just don’t have a clue what they’re saying and if these people are men then they have absolutely NO CLUE. Mums are tired because contemporary conditions have changed and being a mum today is way more challenging than it used to be.
Don’t be tempted by the people who with assurance will tell you that in tribes or other countries or communities, mums hold their babies on their back, breastfeed the whole day, have the hard life, and that because of that we should feel happy and privileged. This is bullshit and this guilt trip they want the mothers to feel is not constructice in any way. When you want to compare two types of mothering or parenting or living, you need to compare what is comparable. Not just play on sensationnalism and manicheism way of looking as thing (the good, the bad). If our society is individualistic (and our society is) then it creates more hard work for the mums. That’s just it. If our society is into hard work and impossible schedule & working times, you have to take it into consideration. There are many other relevant points but we’ve talked about this already.
It’s really simple. I’ll make it simple. When a mother says I’m tired, tell her, yes I feel you, I understand you, I believe you and you are right. I can’t help really ( yes, try honesty), but I can LISTEN to you.
What mothers want first is AN EAR.
If you feel like a wave of humanity and compassion crossing your heart, you might want to push it. Then, it’s easy you can help a mother for an hour or two per week, you can suggest a good baby-sitter, you can sit with her kids and play with them while she’s busy with chores ( or with anything really like poo or pee), you can cook for her, you çan massage her (if she falls asleep, let her sleep). I’m talking here about anyone but you the husband who is reading me, you know I’m talking to u first.
Yes what mothers want is HELP.
And if you see that she’s depleting, that she has dark thoughts, that she’s not in the mood to do anything anymore, then take this mother seriously.
Because some mothers need a LOT OF HELP.
What mothers want is understanding, they want recognition, they want the government, the companies to understand that what they are doing is not simple, it’s a full time job that requires more energy than a whole army.
And i’ll prove you my point. Put a whole army in one room with a baby, and then see how it will affect their training.
They will loose their mind, believe it. They will want to kiss their mothers feet after that. But this is not what we’re asking for here right?
What mothers want is UNDERSTANDING & COMPASSION & RECOGNITION
It’s easy to offer flowers, to offer cards, to invite her over dinner, on the mother day. It really is.
What is harder is to FEEL with a mother. To offer her support, to offer her the one hour break she needs everyday. This is what I call truly celebrating the mother day. You don’t need to spend any money really, you just need to open your heart (and move your ass 🙂
Because what mother want is LOVE ….
And Love, we all know, is an everyday offert.