Words have powers. I may say super powers.
That’s why I’m always careful about what I read and mostly interested about the commentators and their insights.
Words are so powerful that they can trick us, lie to us, make us believe that life should stick to some attractive simplistic wording.I’ve seen many times posts on facebook telling the moms that they are «supermothers » or « superwomen » and some of them bragging about it or supporting this idea. Like, these cartoons of moms, doing the multitasking and everyone is putting smileys and stating « yes that’s so true ! » as if it was banal.
Why is it that when I see those cartoons (that yes are funny in their own ways), I have a little rictus followed by the intuition that somehow we are banalizing the multitasking suffering of many thousands of (millions) mothers around the world ?
Then there is this appelation « superwoman » ou « supermother » or supersomething, as if we were in a kind of competition or a kind of festival where you receive an oscar for being a mother. Women with powers, that’s how we are being represented. Superwomen if you prefer.
But I’m not any of that.
To be honest, I’m not a supermom, never was and never will be. When I don’t feel like changing the diaper of my daughter, I don’t take on myself, i say it out loud, I tell my husband to help me, I say : « it’s your turn ». It doesn’t make me feel bad about myself, or guilty or powerless.
When I don’t feel like spending the whole day with my daughter, I express it. I don’t say : there’s no other way, I have to sacrifice completely.
Nope. I do know the difference between being responsible and being a martyr. And I’m not a martyr. There’s no way I’ll be a martyr. There’s no way I don’t express once in a while if not everyday what I need to balance my life as a woman and a mother.
When i do actually breastfeed my daughter still, I’m really, but REALLY, not proud of it. I’m not doing it to prove anything to the world ( if I want to prove something to the world, I’ll do by different means). No. I breastfeed because I want to breastfeed and I’m confortable with it, but if at some point I can’t take it anymore ( And this some point could be tomorrow) well I will stop. I won’t stick to any dogma of any kind telling me that I should do it for two years or more. I will follow my intuition. And this intuition is not some kind of superpower, it’s just intuition.
I’m tired of tired mums not standing up for themselves, no speaking out their truth, not realising that they can be mothers and women at the same time. And of course, I’m tired of husbands and families who don’t offer support.
You who are reading me you are probably a mum and I’m talking to you. I’m telling you : you have nothing to prove baby and you must always remember to care about yourself. To cuddle yourself, have your own space and never think in terms of sacrificying to the point that you are sacrificying yourself.
The thing is your baby needs you to be happy. He needs it more than anything in the world. If you’re not happy, you might give him the milk but you won’t as Erich Fromm puts it « give him the honey ». So be true to yourself, to your specific needs and ask for support.
I’ve talked to so many mothers who think they have already lost the battle against what seems to them ” fatality”and are just going to «put their life entre parenthèses”.
But come on, this is not what motherhood is about ! Motherhood is indeed a big challenge made of some sacrifices but it shouldn’t stop us from being ourselves and treat ourselves right ! There is always a way out, a way to stand for our rights and sanity and yes we might not be superwomen or supermoms but we are responsible adults and we are, at some point responsible of our mental health.
And what is valid and fine for your neighbourg might not be valid to you. What suits one doesn’t necessarily suit someone else. There’s nothing like supermoms. There are only moms, different moms, beautiful and unique moms in their ways of being moms.
And we should never compare one with another. It’s like comparing kids, it is useless, mean and never worth it. If you who are reading me are not mums and want to help a mum then give pieces of advice or listen. I’m tired of people who won’t give any practical advice but just say that you are wonderful in what you are doing when in fact you are asking for help.
Really, do you think we need to be told constantly that we are amazing because we gave birth? Do you think motherhood is some kind of romance? I’d rather have someone telling me the truth, telling me that I need to take a break, breathe, change my haircut then someone seeing me as the perfect cliche that stupid adverts on telly vehiculate.
I’m not a supermom but I’m Tulsi’s mother and I want her to grow with a heatlhy humanbeing who stands up for herself so one day she will stand up for herself!